I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
