You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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