my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
