If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
