he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
