Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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