I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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