I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
