Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
