I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
