I'm lost and stupid without you.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
