apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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