people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize