i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
