so that wasnt chicken after all
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
