Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
