tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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