Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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