Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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