Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
