My first STD was from a foam party
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
