I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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