i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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