mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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