Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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