Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
