i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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