you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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