i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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