bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
