Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
