i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
