Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize