Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
