If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize