i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
