Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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