I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
