Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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