my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
