if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He did a backflip because drugs
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
