I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
