I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
