You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
