All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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