Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Boobs are out for the taking
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
