that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
