I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
