yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
