my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
