So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
