We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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