We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it glows. i had to have it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
