Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
