i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
