the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
