alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
