remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
