Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
