The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
