Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
