last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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