ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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