Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think i have two assholes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
